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Do you seek external advice?

When I was in school I used to say from time to time "this exercise is wrong!"... because I couldn't solve it 🤭

I also had experiences with maps being bad🙄 (if only in my own mind) and of course PCs were always at fault when something didn't work the way I thought it should.

When buying something that came with instructions I wouldn't look at them unless it was something that I really had small chances figuring without. (I remember vividly breaking the ink cartridges on a printer as soon as I dispatched it because I removed something I shouldn't had)

I can see the irony in these now after having learned about the different frame of reference meta programmes (mental filters)

The examples I've given reflect my tendency to use internal info/standards/feelings to establish if what I am doing is good or not. It's unsconsious so I didn't consider this until a few years ago when I dived dip into NLP.

The alternative adopted by others is to seek external confirmation; these are the people who look for external advice, data, information, feedback etc to assess if they are doing things rightly or to take decisions.

None of them is good or bad (just like with any other meta programme). Rather, they each have their pros and cons and they they can be helpful in different contexts.

Depending on the job, the position, the way of working , one might be more advantageous than the other: you wouldn't want a C-level manager with a strong external frame of reference nor a sales person with a strong internal frame of reference (the first might struggle to take decisions whilst the latter is the annoying "I know exactly what you need" sales person who doesn't bother to listen to your needs).

Since becoming conscious of my internal benchmarking, I am seeking to balance it off; even though I am self-regulated I do seek external information in decisions that do not concern only me or where I have limited experience. To be frank, I won't ask anyone what they think about a role I am considering because I think it's fair to tune in to myself when deciding on something that reflects my values, my goals etc. I think this is something useful to learn for anyone who is strongly external and might end up taking personal decisions based on friends or family opinions even though this conflicts with their life values and goals.

I learnt however to seek external info before forming an opinion on other things were subjectivity and personal values play a smaller role if any. To form an opinion about markets is good to be open minded and listen to peers, look for data that contradicts my preliminary opinion etc. This is useful to learn for anyone who is strongly internal and is key to managing biases.

It is wise to become conscious of your tendency, explore where it serves you well and where it doesn't and increase your flexibility accordingly.

Just ask yourself "how do you know when you've done a good job? Do you know inside or do you need someone to tell you?"

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